If Only You Knew
by Beyond The Horizon
Summary: How much I missed you. How much I wanted you. How much I needed you. Duncan/Courtney. Takes place at the end of 'I See London'. The Duncan/Courtney pairing's final moments in TDWT before Duncan/Gwen took over.


_**A/N: This one-shot takes place in between Noah's elimination and Courtney and Duncan's scene in the hallway (At the end of 'I See London'). I realized that there isn't enough Duncan/Courtney stories that take place on TDWT since they're relationship fell apart. I rose to the challenge and this was the result. If you squint, you can find some subtle Duncan/Gwen references but they only exist to keep Duncan in character. The characters mentioned are not mine and they belong to Fresh TV. I hope you enjoy it.**_

I gave my thumb a lick and turned the page. Upon the realization that I had finished a chapter, I took the opportunity to stretch. I put the book down on my lap and arched my back. _How long is the flight going to be?_

I looked at Sierra who sat across from me, drooling and whispering something about Cody and their fairy tale wedding. Even when she's dreaming, she's a stalker. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards Cody. Sierra had fallen asleep with her arms locked around the boy on her lap and after a few minutes of futile struggling, Cody had finally given in. His chest slowly raised and lowered with every deep breath he took. While his position looked horribly uncomfortable, he seemed to be sleeping like a baby.

I heard a small snore come from the seat beside Cody and Sierra's and had to cover my mouth to prevent laughter. I could never speak a word of this to her but Heather was a tiny bit of a noisy sleeper. I found that she snores at random times and once or twice I've caught her murmuring in her sleep. For a potential threat, Heather was certainly vulnerable while she slept. Turning to my left, I spied Gwen who was leaning against the airplane window. I smirked when I saw that her face was pressed up against the glass with her mouth gaping open. I shouldn't say anything negative about the two of them though. Contrary to popular belief, girls don't always sleep in such a pristine fashion as seen in popular culture.

It was about three o'clock in the morning in the current time zone and the windows of the poorly designed airplane displayed only a black slate with the occasional cloud as we flew across the globe. Team Amazon was certainly on a roll. Not only did we win the London challenge but I also was able to get Duncan back.

While I'd never admit to his face, I had really missed him during the competition. The first time I really felt alone in the competition was when we were in Newfoundland. My eyes were playing tricks on me and I could've sworn I saw Duncan but as it turned out, it was a mere rock sculpture. I missed his remarks and primitive sense of humour. I just wanted him back. I finally got my wish when Gwen and I saw him in London. You can only imagine our surprise. We brought him back on the plane and he was quickly accepted back into the competition. My heart fluttered with joy at the news and I couldn't wait to tell him how I felt. I never got the opportunity to tell him because we were back in the air in no time and Duncan was thrown into economy class with the rest of Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot. I tucked a stray brown hair behind my ear and straightened my back. I could never tell him how happy I was to have him back; not after our past relationship issues. I had to maintain an image. I gave a glance towards Gwen and smiled. _Well, that's what girls are for. At least I can gush about Duncan with Gwen_. _After London and Gwen's remark about the two of us being a 'nerdette dream team', I feel as though we really bonded. Heck, I can even see a budding friendship in the future_. I turned my thoughts back towards Duncan. I could only cross my fingers and hope that he realizes how much he missed me and takes me in his arms once more. To be honest, I was still a little cross with him when he quit back in Egypt, completely ditching me. I hoped that he'd give me an adequate apology so we could continue off where we left off in Egypt as boyfriend and girlfriend.

I heard a noise that resembled a curtain being pushed aside and I poked my head out to investigate. A figure closed the curtain behind him and turned around. He froze when he met my onyx eyes. The punk seemed to be shocked that anybody was up at this hour and seemed to be looking for an appropriate reaction. "What are you doing here?" I said, narrowing my eyes at him. I was a little happy to see his face again but I was still angry from him ditching me. He opened his mouth to say something but I beat him to it.

Duncan paused for a moment and slowly started to walk towards me, pretending to think deeply about the question I posed to him. "Is it a crime if I want to explore the plane?" He shrugged. "It's not like I have anything better to do. I figured that there would be a girl awake that would be willing to have a little late night fun." He gave me a seductive look and leaned against the edge of Sierra and Cody's chair, arms crossed. I flashed him a death glare. He raised his hands in defense. "Easy, easy. I was kidding."

"You're not allowed to be here. This is the first class section. Last time I checked, you aren't on Team Amazon." I whispered harshly.

"Nice to see you too, Court." He said, grinning. "Although…" He leaned forward and placed his hands on the arm rests of either side of my body, keeping me in my seat with my body only inches from his. "I could have done without the little invitation back into the competition. I don't exactly look forward to seeing the likes of Miss Queen Bee, Psycho Fangirl and her husband, Ale-whatever or Jock Strap again." I could feel my cheeks heat up due to the close proximity but I quickly turned my head so that he couldn't see how he was making me react.

"I'm sorry that it had to be like that. But I, personally, welcome the challenge of another competitor. I have no doubt that I'll be able to win this competition and whether you're competing or not, it certainly won't affect the outcome." I crossed my arms and looked into his ice blue eyes. "You can try and win if you want but I don't think you'll get very far. Knowing your attitude, you'll be voted off next challenge."

"Oh yeah? Why bring me back then?" He challenged. I had no response to his question and I hastily averted my eyes. He chuckled and tilted my head up with two fingers underneath my chin so that our gaze locked once more. "Don't tell me you missed me so much that you couldn't handle being away from me. Has the Princess's feelings gotten in the way of her goal of winning the competition?"

I hated the way he did this to me. Before him, I was a confident and ambitious girl with a bright future ahead of her. Before Total Drama Island, there was no one that could distract me from my goals. "Don't be ridiculous." I said before pulling away from him and pressing my head back into the seat.

"Then tell me why you and Gwen brought me back." He said, a smirk still on his face.

"To win the challenge." I managed to reply. I knew how completely false that sounded and it became evident when Duncan raised his pierced eyebrow; he didn't buy it for one second.

"I'm afraid that's not good enough, Princess." I said, shaking his head. "You had no idea that McLean would give you the challenge. I was perfectly fine in London but you and Gwen had a sudden urge to bring me back into this goddamn competition. Don't get me wrong, I l_ove_ being around your 'adorable' personality and getting shots to the crotch on a daily basis." He added sarcastically. "But I was fine where I was and I was more than happy to spend my time in London. It seems to me that you and Gwen couldn't resist the temptation to bringing me back."

"I was just following what Gwen wanted me to do." I stubbornly replied. If I had to put the blame on her, so be it. I couldn't let Duncan know how much I missed him. He fell in love with the uptight CIT and I'm still the same girl he loved on Total Drama Island.

"Oh, so I can thank Gwen for bringing me back. " He turned his head towards the sleeping goth girl. I felt a twinge of jealousy and I couldn't control myself.

"No, you can't. We…both wanted you back for different reasons. I wanted to win the challenge and I found Gwen's idea intriguing so naturally, I went along with it." I said slowly. I was doing a really bad job of hiding my feelings but I couldn't help it. I wanted Duncan to thank me for bringing him back and yet, he obviously didn't want to come back in the competition. I didn't want him angry at me for forcing him back into the competition but at the same time, I wanted him to hold me like he used to when we were dating.

"You better get your story straight, Princess." He replied. He straightened himself and removed his hands from the arm rests, giving me the option of leaving my seat. I took the opportunity and after balancing my open book on my arm rest, stood up and faced him dead on.

"I'm going to move around the plane for a bit." I said through gritted teeth. "Don't you even THINK of taking my seat. If Chris catches you in first class, it'll be both our necks."

"I have a hard time believing that McLean gives a shit about who sleeps in which cabin." He commented. I scowled and stormed off, leaving Duncan behind.

I moved the separating curtain aside and entered the dining area. I walked past the tables and was about to enter economy class when something caught my eye from underneath the table. _Did I just see…a toque?_ I walked over to the table and bent down, looking underneath. Aside from two mice scrambling away, there was nothing to be seen. _Hmm…_

I shrugged and dismissed the issue and went through the opening that joined the dining area and economy. Owen, Tyler and Alejandro were all asleep. Owen was lying horizontally on the bench and both Tyler and Alejandro were using the blonde as a pillow. I smiled at the sight and felt myself keep my gaze on Alejandro for a few additional moments before tip toeing passed them. I carefully exited economy class so as not to wake the three sleeping boys and entered the cargo hold. As I shut the door, I released a sigh of relief and walked towards a horde of crates close to one of the airplane's windows. I hadn't been in here since we had to make that stupid commercial in Japan. I sat on one of the nearby crates and looked out the window. The window displayed the moon in a perfect light. I sat there, admiring the moon and taking a moment to relax. I found that my stress level rises considerably whilst on a flight with several people I can't stand and I needed a moment to just breathe in and out. I closed my eyes and with the moonlight shining upon me, took deep breaths in and out. I used some of the meditation techniques I picked up a few years back and I focused on my well-being. _Everything's fine. You'll be fine. You have a wonderful future ahead of you. Just rel-_

"Fancy meeting you here." I yelped and I spun around to see Duncan, closing the economy door behind him. My heartbeat was racing at least twice its normal pace and a surge of alarm coursed through my body. He noted my startled expression and grinned. "Oh sorry, did I startle you?"

"What are you doing here? The whole point of me leaving first class was to have some time to myself. Would you mind telling me why you've suddenly decided to stalk me?" I demanded. I gave him an angry look but he seemed to ignore it.

"Don't flatter yourself. I had to come to the cargo hold to pick up my lighter. Chef confiscated it when I was forced onto the plane and I saw him put it in one of these crates. Besides," He walked over to one of the open crates and started to dig through it. "There are only so many areas on the plane I can walk into without running into you. If I'm not allowed in first class, where else am I supposed to go? That shitty dining area? Back to economy class? Yeah, right. Not much of a walk, is it? We're the only two people awake at the moment so it'll be better for the both of us if you accept that I'm here and just take it easy for once." He tossed aside some junk left over from the Japan challenge and pulled out Owen's old monster costume. "What the hell is this?" He asked.

"That was from the Japan challenge. We had to make a commercial advertising this disgusting food product and Owen chose to wear that costume for his team's commercial." I answered, not really looking at Duncan.

"No way, seriously? Aw man, what I would do to see the big guy in this costume." Duncan laughed and tossed the costume aside. "What about your team? Did you dress up as Satan?"

"Very funny, Duncan. But no, our commercial was done with a team effort and it was no surprise that we won the challenge. I obviously orchestrated the way we were filming the commercial and with Cody and Sierra's limited, yet useful, filming skills, we took first place." I looked at my fingernails, noting that they were growing quite long. _Maybe I can use someone's nail clippers…_

Duncan suddenly seemed to lose interest in the crate and stood in front of me, blocking my view of the moon. "Do you mind?" I asked, giving a quick glance to the punk. But one glance was all he needed…

"Listen, Court. It's painfully obvious that you're doing your best to ignore me and to be honest, you're not very good at it." I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to my nails. "Do you remember when we broke up at the end of the second season of this shitty show? The big custody battle that happened over Brittany?" I looked up at the criminal at the mention of our beloved raccoon. "When we broke up, I had a hard time dealing with it. But I'm not very good at the sentimental crap and I sort of just make the transition into feelings of anger. I don't want you thinking I got nothing out of our relationship. Sure, I had to deal with your slightly frustrating attitude, but you know what? I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world. Even after that giant custody battle, we both pulled through. Remember when you were driving that bus? After the awards ceremony for Total Drama Action? "

"And you said that my driving was horrible and everyone needed a man behind the wheel?" I finished, giving him a dead pan look.

"Exactly and you fired back with that same Courtney personality that I can't get enough of." My expression softened at the delinquent. That was when we started making out which resulted in the bus almost crashing at the bottom of the cliff. Duncan was still my boyfriend and although I didn't like showing any vulnerability by showing my affection towards him too frequently, I couldn't deny the feelings I felt during his absence. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the ground. "That's pretty much all I wanted to say…" I grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards me, locking our lips into a kiss. God, it felt amazing to kiss him again. I'll scold him for abandoning me later. Right now, kissing my boyfriend was the only thing on my mind.

He froze in reaction to my sudden action and after wrapping my arms around his neck, he began to slowly kiss back. I couldn't place my finger on it but something was definitely off by the way he kissed me. He was acting as though we were about to part for a long period of time. He was acting as though he would miss kissing me and that our time was running out. It scared me but I rapidly pushed the thoughts away and turned my focus back on my boyfriend. I traced the skull on his shirt and smirked. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my hands raked his hair, knowing how much that drove him crazy. He gasped in response, giving me clear access into his mouth. Slipping my tongue passed his lips; I playfully wrestled with his tongue. He fought back and moved forward, deepening the kiss. I responded back enthusiastically and pulled him closer to my frame. We broke away for a breath and he looked into my eyes and gave me a weak smile. He suddenly pulled me into a tight hug. I was surprised at his sudden act of affection but took advantage of it and leaned my head against his. He said something that had the word 'love' in it but I couldn't quite catch the entire sentence. My brain naturally pieced together a rational sentence given the situation and I gave him a warm smile. "I love you too, Duncan. I'm really happy that you're back." I pulled him back into another fiery kiss. I was determined to use all the time I had with him now that he was back. Finally, everything was perfect.

**Duncan's POV**

I gave a half-hearted smile as Princess gave me a small wave and a kiss on the cheek before returning to first class. I walked slowly back to economy and sat down on the bench, leaning against the steel wall. I brought my head down and leaned my arms against my thighs. Closing my eyes, I brought my hands around my neck and just stared at the floor.

Tonight was definitely something different than I expected. I knew that Princess wanted me back. I wasn't an idiot. She still harboured the same romantic feelings. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't working out. I wanted to just let her know that our relationship was fickle and changed more often than a chick changes clothes. I was going to tell her how much our relationship meant to me and I wanted to clear the air before I told her that it's over. The time period in between the first episode of the season and now changed my perspective on the relationship. After re-watching tapings of the previous episodes in the season, it dawned on me just how strained our relationship was. I wanted to end it now before another fight sparked. I couldn't handle another fight.

Courtney meant so much to me and no matter what happens, I'll always have feelings for her. The way she kissed me in cargo hold, the way she raked her fingers through my hair, the way she pressed her frame against my body, all those sensations brought those feelings back. Every time Courtney and I got back together, I would always keep a small hope that it would stay that away but inevitably, the fights come and I can't deal with that anymore. I have to let her go. If only she could've heard my words to her when I broke apart while we were kissing. If only she hadn't mistakenly assumed I had simply stated my love for her.

You see, the reason for our fights all stemmed from her. She would fall in and out of love with me during our relationship and when she was out of love, I was never good enough for her. She wanted me to change. But when she was in love with me, it didn't matter what I looked like. I love her but I'm not good enough for her. She'll always try and fix me. When re-watching the tapings of the show, I noticed that there was someone who was there for me right from the beginning. She and I shared the same interests and everyone claimed we were a perfect match. We weren't a perfect match, we were a _safe_ match. I didn't want to fall in love with her too but after my tattered relationship with Courtney, I knew I wouldn't be hurt. Unlike Courtney, she wouldn't try to fix me. As much as I didn't want to love her, I did because she was the one who was the most compatible. I squeezed my eyes when I watched a tear fall onto my shorts. If only Courtney knew how much I wanted to be good enough for her. I would give anything to be with Courtney. If only I was good enough…

_Courtney kissed me abruptly. I was unable to compute as to what to do. I hadn't expected her sudden reaction. A burning feeling was felt in the bottom of my stomach and my heart kept telling me to kiss her and be with her until the end of time. I kissed her back slowly, savouring the feeling of her lips against mine. This was it. Our last experience together. Make it last. She was obviously interested in making out but I focused on kissing back slowly and doing my best to remember every sensation. She traced her finger on my chest, sending chills down my back. God, I want to be with her. I want her to accept me for who I am and just love me unconditionally. She raked my hair and as soon as I gasped, she slid her tongue into my mouth. I went along with it and kissed her back more forcefully. I broke away for a breath and pulling her into a hug. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I didn't want to do this. I wished I could be with her with no consequence. I wanted to be with her but I knew how harmful she was to me. Holding her tightly, I squeezed my eyes shut._

"_I loved you, I loved you so much."_


End file.
